I realized having reread it that it covers everybody else's feelings in the family but my own. It seems even back then (in October 1997) that I was trying to stay away from my emotions. For the first time in my life my feeling terrify me. I did not fully understand this until about 10 minutes ago. It's as if there is this huge abyss in my mind full of hate for this man and anger and guilt and utter saddness. I can't stand it so I keep throwing things on top of it, just so I can stop these feelings. I realize that I must sound like a real basket case but actually I've become so good at stuffing feelings that I can be a great Mom and wife and run a household very effectivly. It's just when I stop when I have down time or when I sleep that it catches up to me. Any way enough of that. Here it is if you can use it. --Randi Harlan
On September 26th you delivered my son Bo. My life was joy. On Sunday September 28th you circumcised my son without consent and against my expressed wishes. My life was anguish.
Seven days prior to my C-section you asked me about circumcision and I said no. I explained that we believe the procedure to be cruel, barbaric, and medically unnecessary. To avoid any confusion the admitting nurse removed the blank circ. consent form from my chart.
But Sunday morning he was brought to my room bloody, red-faced, and crying. When confronted with a raging father and a hysterical mother you said, "it was a mistake". Then you had the audacity to tell me that "it's not the end of the world". But then if Bo had died it wouldn't exactly have been the end of the world either would it?
Just who in the hell do you think you are? I don't care if you're a MD, DO, or a GOD you had NO right to mutilate my son's penis. Do you realize that there are serious potential complications up to and including DEATH? You are a child abuser and a thief, and God forgive me but I hate you.
CJ my 4-year-old son is now terrified of doctors. How can I help him feel safe with doctors now, when he saw what happened to Bo? CJ knows I couldn't protect Bo. In his mind its, how then can Mommy protect me. Explain to Drew my 2-year-old why "baby's penis looks funny".
In a few years, when Bo realizes he was not born this way and you robbed him of the joy of being a whole man please explain it to him. Tell him what gave you the right to amputate a normal, healthy, functional part of his body. You explain to him why you felt it necessary to mutilate his peis and forever alter its appearance and functioning.
Charlie, my easy going, jovial, loving husband has become quite, somber, depressed and angry. Charlie doesn't talk about what you did much; he doesn't talk about anything much since it happened. I know his pain must be tremendous. Sometimes at night, after CJ and Drew are in bed he just sits and rocks Bo for hours. I hear him tell Bo how sorry he is and that it will be OK. Tears well up in his eyes and occasionally spill over. I wish I could take this pain from him but I can't. Right now he won't even talk to me about it.
I know this letter won't change what's happened, and it can't make a man without a conscience, such as yourself, feel remorse. You were right about one thing though it really wasn't the end of the world. It was just the end of my little piece of the world, as I knew it.